Turntablism in Manhattan Beach?
The holiday season came and went this year and I escaped unscathed by only attending 2 Xmas parties. My best guy Cesar was host at one and my date at the other… I’m just gonna say Thank God for that!! He asked me to be his date to a Xmas party that was being thrown by his boyfriend’s friends. Since his boyfriend was gonna be out of town that weekend, I happily obliged. I guess the theme was “moustache/tacky sweater”, but I wore neither. I decided on black heels, black hose, black lace miniskirt, black button down and black belt. For those of you who know me, that’s a lot of black!!!!
I’m gonna go on a quick jaunt for a sec to give you a little backstory. Being a native of LA, there are certain neighborhoods/areas that I usually feel out of place or uncomfortable. For me, these places are the South Bay, Orange County, and certain parts of the Inland Empire. I find these spots too homogeneous and conservative for my taste. I grew up in a town that was very racially mixed, so that is what I’m used to and when I feel most comfortable. Back to the story…
Okay, looking fierce, I picked up Cesar at his place. He somehow acquired a tacky sweater…remnant from the previous year, I’m sure. We make our way down to Hermosa Beach…yes the one in the South Bay. Insert foreshadowing element here. The place is packed with super nice friendly people who make me feel at home. What a relief! The party dies down and a smaller splinter group decide to go to a dive bar in Manhattan Beach. We follow in hot pursuit and I hit it off with one of the other girls. After drinking and chatting for a while, her boyfriend asks Cesar and I to come with them across the street to a bar called Beaches. Apparently they had dancing. Apparently they had a dj. Apparently 25% of that would turn out to be true :-(
There was technically dancing, which accounts for the 25%, but, for lack of a better word, it was very “white.” The place seemed to be very popular with the white frat boy type, whom I lovingly refer to as “douchebags.” Their spastic, schizophrenic dancing almost cost me my beer a few times, not to mention the damage done to my retinas for having to see such horrendous “dancing.” As far as I was concerned, they were giving us whities a bad name. I mean there was literally a guy on all fours facing up, like a game of twister, with a girl bouncing on top of him like they were bonin’. Ahem…we don’t call simulated sex “dancing” … Sorry. Another example? How bout guys dressed like Santa Claus thrashing around like they were in a mosh pit? I’m at a loss for words to describe all the atrocities I saw that night :(
Unfortunately, this was not the most upsetting part of the evening. That came when I realized who was in charge of the music that all these spazzes were dancing to. To the layperson, you would call him a DJ, but I knew better. I likened him to an anthropomorhic laptop, one that seemingly had human-like qualities, but was really just a bad itunes playlist robot machine!! The “DJ” was squeezed into a space about 3 feet square, with room for himself, his laptop, and a small mixer. Ummm…hi, don’t you need some turntables and vinyl to at least give the appearance of credibility?!?! Not to mention knowing how to use said equipment. He could barely navigate through his itunes library, which caused huge gaps of silence in between most of his bad music choices. Since when does every asshole with a laptop think he can be a dj? My ears and my music sensibility were deeply offended by this idiot. I have learned to never go to Beaches for good music…and I’m so happy Cesar was there to commiserate with (well, maybe I just bitched and he was a good listener) Love him!!
Folks, here’s your musical prescription…please check out DJ Shadow, DJ Cam or Cut Chemist for some amazing songs and talent. These guys truly have a gift. I’m a sucker for trip-hop! :)
You’re welcome!
Filed under Blog | Tags: irkish things | Comment (0)Let’s face it … I have a “big neck”
Long ago, when I was just through the awkward years of puberty, but still feeling the sting of shame, I had one of my annual check-ups with my doctor. I have always been self-conscious about my body because I was forever the tall girl with womanly curves while the rest of my friends still looked like young girls. I once got mistaken for an 18 year old when I was 14 to give you an idea.
Anyway, I was expecting the usual “you’re healthy, see you next year” spiel I hear every year, except this time she hovered around my neck for what felt like an uncomfortable period. She told me I was gonna have blood work done to check me for a thyroid problem. What?!?! I didn’t even know what that was and it made me super scared. Tumor, Cancer, Imminent Death? She told me not to worry, that is was common and if the results came back positive, I would just have to take some medicine to correct it. Phew!!!
Cut to… My results came in and I headed back to the doctor’s office to hear the diagnosis. Negative. Well, that was a relief, except for this…
“Well, Rebecca, the results came back negative for a thyroid problem” then a pause (one mississippi, two mississippi) “I guess you just have a big neck.”
What the f*ck?!?!?! May I remind you, bitch, that you’re talking to a young girl dealing with her new body, feelings for boys and the pressure of starting high school! Thank you, because now I had the added anxiety of worrying about how my freakishly large neck was gonna fit into my social life. I could just see it now… “Yes Bobby, I would love to go on a date with you. Do you think you have room in your car for me and my f*cking huge neck too?” I should just get used to staying home alone and learning how to make scarves the new hip accessory! Bit of advice for all the docs out there, please don’t point out any cosmetic abnormalities to emotionally fragile teenage girls when there is nothing medically wrong with them! This will just give them a complex and make them feel even uglier than they did before. I know I wasn’t dying, but would it have killed you to practice better bedside manner? My psyche would have thanked you.
Filed under Blog | Tags: irkish things, medical maladies | Comment (0)